Wednesday, May 7, 2003

One of the joys of taking a single class, gentle reader, is the sheer amount of time one has to play around with. I went to my thrice-weekly session of British Literature today and listened as Professor Lane expounded upon Hardyan poetry and British angst in his authentic British accent. He began his lecture with an iteration of his trademark phrase–“Cast your minds”–and fifty minutes later, the typical undergraduate chorus of papers shuffling and trappers barking forced the session to an end.

Full of hope and excitement, I exited Annenberg to a harsh Evanstonian reality. Put eloquently, gentle reader, it was frickin’ freezing today. Understand, I like cold weather and all of that, but when it’s forty-nine degrees Fahrenheit in the middle of May, you’ve got to wonder what’s going on. So although the rest of the day loomed before me, skipping around outdoors certainly wasn’t an option.

Do you remember the original Super Mario Brothers, dear reader? I thought of our plump, culturally-representative Italian plumber today as I stepped outside. Do you remember how you could descend into the Mushroom Kingdom’s sewage system and warp in mere seconds to Level 8-1? What if you were Mario and you hunkered down into a pipe, having full confidence that you would emerge in a certain place, yet you ended up in Peoria, IL? What if you dropped down the pipe and ended up at the Census Bureau? What if you never played Super Mario Brothers? What if you don’t care about any of this? Well, I can answer the last question for you: Because I’d have my henchmen make you bunk with the dead people. For your sake, then, let’s hope that I step outside tomorrow into weather that I like, okay? Oh, yeah, and the economy’s pretty bad right now too.