Saturday, August 2, 2003

No, you find a better way to spend your time, gentle reader.

And there you have it! Have you ever laid eyes on so fine an artwork? You need not answer, especially when the Cane of Good Behavior floats so precariously near your cranial area.

Many problems remain, but funding (always funding!) is problematic and the bottom-line is of paramount consideration. I can already hear you complai–

“Indeed, many problems do remain,” you chime in.

Thanks for the input. I know that our new billboard disenfranchises users who view websites at 800×600 or–heaven forbid–at an even lower resolution. But as Tim once said upon seeing my screen set to such a resolution, “Are you blind? Do you have cataracts or something?” We at Secondhand Rants know our clientele–even if our clientele searches for “middle finger emoticon.” And logic dictates that people who utilize such an emoticon have very, very good eyesight. The recommended resolution, then, is 1024×768.

A more immediate concern, of course, is the large white space gracing the middle of the page. First, notice how it resembles the blank, vacuous look in your eyes. That’s right, go on! Get yourself a mirror. Second, I offer my most sincere apologies for insulting you, gentle reader. Third, the Sincerity Machine broke yesterday, and all of my Maintenance Crew passed away yesterday as well. Finally, perhaps I’ll increase the font size or simply leave it as is, thereby crafting pungent commentary about the emptiness of our postmodernist society. Or maybe I’ll just use MS Paint to birth lots of stick people to fill the void.