Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Ten years from now, gentle reader, what kind of satchel will you carry on your way to work? As I walked to the office today, it dawned on me that one of the problems plaguing our society is that people simply don’t care about what other people are carrying. What’s that you say? You want to make a difference?

“I want to make a difference,” you say. Excellent!

It just so happens that my Ideas for Fixing Societal Problems Department cooked up a scorcher these past few days. It’s simple, really. The next time you trot along the street and spy a satchel that strikes your fancy, just wrap your grubby little paws around it! Isn’t this easy? You’ll want to show that you care, of course, so in mid-grab say, “I care.” This works especially well if you’re a male and you’re gunning for a purse. With that in mind, women should start carrying two purses to accommodate those really wide sidewalks.

Winking and “mistakenly” grabbing limbs are also recommended, but I obviously don’t want the cops to toss you into the clink, so try to limit yourself to three winks apiece.