Thursday, April 22, 2004

I believe it was the new TenderCrisp sandwich, gentle reader, that turned me on to Burger King after a long, healthy hiatus. The sensation of an “A-patty”–what my co-worker calls those delicious first-run cutlets–hitting your lips is a truly divine experience, an ineffable combination of titillating taste and guilty pleasure. Contrast this to the “D-patties” we had a week after, diabolically nasty pieces of meat that probably fell off the back of Colonel Sanders’ truck.

Today I decided to give The King another chance. I should’ve chosen the Spicy TenderCrisp sandwich, which according to some dining companions was inexplicably A-patty caliber, but instead I popped for one of their Angus burgers. Don’t even bother clicking on the link, as there aren’t any pictures. This stuff is so cutting edge that the BK website doesn’t even feature it.

And for good reason, too. You don’t want an Angus burger from Burger King, I’m telling you. I’ve had Angus before and this wasn’t Angus. You know White Castle? This is the shit you find in the moat. I’ve been feeling woozy ever since, and it was a damned miracle I didn’t hurl all over my classmates mid-roll during ju-jutsu. Hail to the king indeed.