Friday, June 25, 2004

With the recent hubbub surrounding private space travel, I’ve been trying to brainstorm affordable ways to soar into the furthest reaches of the cold, desolate void. It just doesn’t seem right that the hoi polloi should sit in stark disappointment, resigning themselves to grim contentment as bloodthirsty aliens sweep over the good Earth and devour everything in their wake. Ah, but that’s just another failed screenplay speaking.

What’s really important, gentle reader, is that we take stock of what we do have. We’ve got planes, space shuttles, gumption, a lot of illiteracy. Given all this, I’d say the wisest course of action would be to herd all the illiterate people into space shuttles and send them to the moon. This would free the other people–I’d like to coin the term “Literates” right now–to construct gigantic slingshots that could launch people into the stars for a pittance.

Shit yeah, it’s Friday.