Thursday, July 22, 2004

Although I lunched on some fine Middle Eastern cuisine yesterday, gentle reader, many of my co-workers succumbed to the Super Siren song of $0.39 hamburgers at McDonald’s. Whoever concocted this promotion probably relished the thought of having droves of people pander for cheap processed meat, and true to form the office purchased enough beef to pantomime six herds of cattle. One co-worker walked in with no less than seven burgers, an amount my brain simply cannot compute.

I’m a seasoned culinary critic, so I knew in an arrhythmic heartbeat that these $0.39 treats would probably cause the million-dollar shits. By golly was I right. The “Chicken Select” meal I consumed on Tuesday, however, told a different story. These chicken tenders sat well with me, which came as a welcome surprise, and they also allowed me to spend almost seven dollars at McDonald’s. That may not seem like a large amount, but in the world of fast food it’s a king’s ransom.

But it was worth it, I tell you. As one co-worker postulates, those other chickens from KFC farms have their eyes firmly embedded way in the back, right next to the third and fifth legs. If that doesn’t make you go vegetarian, I don’t know what will. Ronald’s chickens? They’re different. They’ve got their eyes firmly planted where they should be, right next to beak #3. Since these are the select chickens, they’re the cream of the crop, the flea’s knees, the rhino’s toes.

That’s my unreserved praise for Chicken Select Strips. Make sure to get the Spicy Buffalo Sauce, which I’m told is made from real spicy buffaloes.