Tuesday, July 27, 2004

I’m going to have to outsource today’s content, gentle reader, not that you could’ve stopped me. Harvard always seems to find the most compelling commencement speakers. I think back to my own commencement and I can’t remember any of it. I mean, I vaguely recall parts of it–acquaintances, the weather, the noise–but when the keynote speaker steps onto the stage, I pretty much black out.

All I see is a silhouette of a person slowly gliding along the stage, which might not seem too bad, except the silhouette is made of dark matter. It’s sucking in all the teachers and students, and I crumple to the ground as my energy disappears. Slowly, ever so slowly, I’m able to make out details about the speaker. It’s actually a person disguised as a pile of boring!

I’m not bitter. I’m well adjusted. I’m not bitter. I’m well adjusted. I’m not bitter. I’m well adjusted. Ah, much better.