Tuesday, August 3, 2004

Although I shelved my interest in chess a couple years ago, gentle reader, I’ve recently dusted off the old chessboard for some kingside action. One article that caught my eye concerns the infamous Bobby Fischer, the once reputable chessmaster who has since fallen into sad disrepute. Even if you don’t enjoy chess, you’ve probably seen Searching for Bobby Fischer, a classic movie whose syrupy portrayal of the titular hero stands in stark contrast to the real Bobby.

I’ve never read any books on openings or gambits or how to beat your opponent senseless with a chessboard, but that hasn’t deterred me from inventing my own opening. I’ll christen it the Alimentary Opening, and it basically involves taking your opponent’s pieces and swallowing them. I do believe I’ve found the perfect chess maneuver. Alimentary, my dear Watson! Oh, that was bad, but get ready to stomach another pun. I’ll be here all night, folks, at least until I’m arrested.