Tuesday, November 23, 2004

In case you were wondering how I procured such a questionable image yesterday, gentle reader, let me assure you that I do not collect clever visualizations of spyware and pedophilia. Fact is, I hope that when my midlife crisis hits like a sack of Porsches, I will turn to buying oddly shaped onion rings on eBay. That’s the way life goes, adults tell me, and you simply can’t stop these stirrings when you hit 47.

I got the picture from a buddy at work, so there’s not too much drama there. The drama for today, instead, centers on how Secondhand Rants always closes whenever major holidays come to town. We gather to remember when Pilgrims and Indians mutually slaughtered turkeys and cranberries, and Secondhand Rants closes. We rejoice over Sweetest Day, a holiday that nobody can ever define accurately, and Secondhand Rants closes. We hold hands and joyfully weep about Canada Day, and what happens? This building closes.

It’s an inevitability that breaks my heart more often than not, and I hope to fix this by forecasting things to come. Ritual dictates that you would see a “SR will return on Monday–wait, make that never” message if you logged on tomorrow at 5:15 PM CST. We’re going to flout tradition and do this today.

Secondhand Rants will return on Monday, November 29.

Weird, huh? It’s almost like we’re going forward in time. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m getting a brain rush from doing this. I own a marker. It’s a gigantic beast that calls itself the “Magnum 44” and insists on being used in ventilated areas. Whenever I use it, even in a ventilated area, it uses me as Van Gogh would a pair of earbuds. Well, that brain rush felt exactly like being Magnum 44’ed.

So that’s today. And tomorrow? We’ll have a nice, warm discussion. What should we discuss? I don’t know yet, but I’m sure it’ll be something timely and useful and cherry-flavored.