Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Please lend me your patience, dear reader, as we change hosting companies. Escaping our festering shithole of a home for more reputable digs means we’re moving up in the world, last I heard, and the trick is to switch quickly.

Now, understand the infrastructure wrought by Aplus.net was seldom at fault–the bundle of silicon and masking tape they stored in a drainage ditch somewhere proved reliable, but then again I don’t clap my hands and frolic when my computer refrains from exploding into radioactive shrapnel. Let’s save the confetti for real achievement, you know?

My discontent, instead, stems from the company’s adorable tendency to charge credit cards on a whim. I read the horror stories online, which were scant preparation for when the horror appeared on my doorstep. It was like, “Thanks for double-charging my AMEX. Thanks doubly for applying the overcharge toward another year in your cesspit.” And yet it wasn’t like that, mostly because each customer service call sounded like an ESL class blossoming before my very eardrums.

No more surprises. When you were little and wanted to astonish your pop with a sandwich, for instance, you didn’t seize the rye bread, wipe your ass with it, and stuff it under the fridge for him to find. That would qualify as a bad surprise worthy of flogging.