Friday, July 15, 2005

“You’ve been going to the city a lot,” observed my buddy. “You know what that means.”

“What?” I asked, excited at the prospect of unlocking urban lore.

“It means you’re moving to the city.”

Wrong. Tomorrow I will go to the city for the last time in a while, hopefully, with the noblest of causes in mind: to celebrate with an old suitemate over her engagement. Friends who marry at this age have my utmost respect because, if I may employ Super Mario Bros. parlance, it’s like they found a warp pipe to Level 8-1, even as the rest of us poor schlubs scrabble for magic flowers in the backwoods of the Mushroom Kingdom.

I went to Border’s tonight hoping for some measure of silence and, in a failed bid to find anything approximating peace and quiet, I stumbled upon a kind of shrine to Harry Potter. Patrons from kindergarten through high school swarmed the place, parents in tow, and there were tables installed throughout the store, each one promising an activity roughly related to the world of Rowling. Face painting. Bertie Bott’s beans, suspiciously purveyed by Jelly Belly. Costumes. A guy dressed in ring mail, who probably was waylaid on his way to the Renaissance fair. Lines and lines of fans. I swore I saw Voldemort or maybe just a hideous boy, given my limited knowledge of the Potter universe. There was also a middle-aged man dressed as Dumbledore. If you don’t think that’s in the least bit creepy, well, it’s been said you can probably shed your clothes and step into the nearest trench coat.

This was the perfect cue to leave. Night driving is a satisfyingly tactile experience sharpened by the lack of things to see. You’ve basically got darkness and headlights. But there’s also the solid feel of the steering wheel. The give and resistance in your gas pedal. You can sense the road rushing under your feet. The texture of things, that’s the crux of the matter. I imagine it’s similar to the pleasure Hagrid derives from murdering little children and stuffing them in his woodshed for later consumption. Have a great weekend! I mean it.