Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Top of the evening to you, dear reader! How are you? I am fine. You probably had a superlative Wednesday, superlatively good, and I’m bursting at the seams to share my own day. Every morning should begin with a restful night’s sleep and a healthy breakfast, so let’s start there.

A bright sky shone through my window at about 7 AM, with lush audio accompaniment provided by a flock of mottled baby doves and my alarm clock. I leapt out of bed and cartwheeled into the shower, all the while humming a snatch of opera I had composed out of mirth, only to somersault minutes later into my kitchen as a clean and happy person.

“What ever shall I eat?” I said in a singsong voice.

I reached for an enormous mixing bowl with a smiley face imprinted on it and followed this recipe:

2 parts sunbeam
1 cup sugar
3 handfuls of glee
Pinch of levity
Joy to taste

Mix sugar, levity, and glee until splendiferous texture is achieved. Layer with sunbeam. Bake until golden and fuzzy, like a fed polar bear. Sprinkle joy as needed. Clap your goddamn hands.

I went to the parking lot with a full stomach and enthusiasm restored. My car suddenly exploded in a glorious fireball, which was a welcome sign to invite all my neighbors for a block party. We gathered around the blazing fire in a big circle, plates of my cheerful breakfast concoction perched on our laps, and we shared our hopes and dreams. Then I skipped to work.

The great thing about having your car explode is you get to pet all the feral rabbits on the roadside. I had a line of 45 bunnies following me when I met a panhandler, who was only slightly feral, and I waited until she finished playing Tetris on her cellphone to give her all my money. Tetris can be a hard game, scary sometimes with all the spooky Russian music, but I’m just glad if someone can get all the blocks to fit.

Work was phenomenal. I signed a contract for double the hours at half the pay. This made all my co-workers laugh very loudly. I guess this meant they were happy, so another brownie point for me. I skipped all the way home. The townhall of Wilmette saw fit to have our streets newly paved at 10 PM, because construction never, ever happens during the daytime. It’s okay, I love heavy machinery rumbling late at night and causing my very building to vibrate. Freshly paved roads are like daffodils for the gods. Hooray!