Wednesday, October 26, 2005

This is apparently the time of year when soliciting for sports, usually in cash for M&M’s barters, is an inevitability in parking lots and storefronts. It’s like a force of nature, something that would invite ample diagramming and gesticulation on the Weather Channel. The grocery store, the bookstore, the computer store, it doesn’t matter–it’s clearly the season for basketball. I’ve seen people accosted while they’re getting into their cars, which is excellent salesmanship because chocolate is certainly at the forefront of my mind when I’m fastening my seatbelt. I’d like to complain tonight. Wasn’t sure if you were getting the vibe, so I wanted to clarify.

My main issue? Perhaps I’m just old-fashioned, but I’d prefer to know where my money’s going. I mean, “supporting [your] team” is too nebulous for me. Am I paying for part of the basketball? Is it the good part? Or will my cash go the distance and maybe inflate the ball? I need a receipt or something. More importantly, will you hit me back if I ever decide to become a professional luger? Because, you know, luging uniforms. Vital. Also a luge. It’s a passion.

Another one of my hobbies, and I’m posing this as dire necessity, is collecting stamps. You there, ma’am! You look like you’re coming off a long day of work. Could you maybe spare a few dollars to buy me stamps? Who’s hopelessly entwined with my leisure activities? You are, yes you are.

Am I being too heavy-handed? Let me rephrase all this in a more tactful manner: Get a part-time job and stop fucking around with bulk candy from Costco.

Either that or secure some free entertainment. Do you know what free entertainment I’ve been revisiting, dear reader? This one. It’s an audio drama I linked a while ago, the fruit of a massive alternate reality game employed as a marketing scheme by Microsoft. I never participated in the ARG with fellow geeks–hunting for payphones across the world to piece together audio clips requires effort–but the end result is riveting. Now give me a quarter.