Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The first snowfall in Charlotte brings with it a number of comforting traditions, chief among them a kind of localized apocalypse, and today was a timely reminder of what exactly goes into the list. There is, of course, the subdued panic the night prior, marked by a silent run on the supermarket for nonperishables, followed by overexposure to dire news coverage. Then, there’s the waiting. Oh, the interminable waiting. And when the snow finally hits–the whole terrifying quarter-inch of it–chaos is unleashed. School districts close. Parking lots empty. Cars plunge into ditches. The lone snowplow owned by the state deploys, only to find itself trapped in that one confounding cul de sac. Truly, the end of days is come.
People die. Graveyards tear asunder, pouring out their grim harvest, until the Charlottean zombies realize the snow has now accumulated to a third of an inch and promptly retreat. And today, my normally four-minute commute ballooned to just over 40, courtesy of two pile-ups not more than 15 feet apart. As I sat there in gridlock, it dawned on me that if an abnormally longer commute qualifies as a problem, then life must be pretty good. There are many who would want the problem of a commute these days, you know?
It’s time to lay off, in a manner of speaking, the news a bit. Day in, day out, there is a steady influx of articles about jobs lost. While these cuts are certainly happening, I realize reporters need to eat as well, and what could be relayed to the public in a few dispassionate sentences instead transforms into three-page exposés. Sure, I enjoy scanning headlines, but I’m at the saturation point and up to my neck in survivor’s guilt. It’s, like, with everything imploding everywhere, why am I still setting my alarm for 7:40 AM? When will the corporate reaper come to collect? But then, a deep breath. The three- to five-inch snowfall they reported yesterday? Try less than one, and by mid-afternoon it had melted under a clear blue sky. Newsflash! Action news blackout, coming up next.