Thursday, November 10, 2011

One PowerPoint deck, thousands of Excel rows, and countless laps of pacing later, I’m closer than ever to cracking a particularly tough conundrum at work. I can almost taste it, even though the “it” in question is still veiled in the unknown. What makes this episode unique is I’ve been keeping mental notes of the process itself–the journey of identifying an issue, wrestling with it, agonizing over the angles, and then, finally, uncovering the “Eureka!” moment that makes all the sweat worthwhile.

But while the finish line is certainly appealing, I’ve been trying to revel in the struggle itself, savoring the burn as the folds in my brain twist in new directions. It’s an opportunity to cultivate my focus, specifically the foolhardy variety. Let me explain. I remember watching my old man play The Legend of Zelda a long time ago. He was puzzling through one of the dungeons and then, upon hitting a roadblock, he proceeded to push every block in the room. Every fuckin’ block, even the ones that clearly couldn’t be pushed, in hopes of unearthing a secret.

There’s something admirable about the brute force. Sure, you could, probably should, apply a little finesse to the situation, but that streak of tenacity is wholly necessary to become a feral problem solver, nose on a swivel, eyes fixed squarely on your prey. Important as the focus may be, it was something else that led to tonight’s progress. I had a conversation. With myself. An early onset of insanity? Perhaps. It began by picturing a dimly lit room, much like the kind used for interrogations in movies. I sat down in this room across from myself and then proceeded to grill, uh, me with a series of hard questions. Tomorrow, maybe–maybe–with a tiny bit more elbow grease, I will discover the payoff for madness can be sweet indeed.