Tuesday, August 21, 2012

An utter failure. That’s how I’d describe the party or, more to the point, my performance at the party. The event itself was above reproach: ample bustle, a curated playlist, handpicked entertainments, plenty of food and drink. But what I thought I could wing instead kicked my ass, certifiably and with return postage included, and the following day I found myself brooding in my dark place, which you may know as Taco Bell.

When it comes to social gatherings, I know exactly the person I need to be. This time, I grabbed hold of that archetype and did the exact opposite. Small talk was arduous and halting. I was nervous. Adrift. And it’s not like I was trapped in a room with complete strangers–I knew people there, one of whom remarked I seemed like a fish outta water.

Days later, after having reviewed the proverbial black box, I’ve arrived at two conclusions. First, sleep is crucial. My groggy state of mind on Saturday absolutely did not help matters. Second, I need to shore up my weaknesses with frequency. In other words, I need to continue to seek out such experiences, for better or worse. I’ve heard insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly in hopes of achieving different outcomes. Well, consider me committed, in every sense of the word.