We adjourned yesterday on what you may suspect was a teaser, but such an allegation would be, once again, erroneous. The problem is a teaser presupposes a) that a follow-up post will materialize and b) readers so recently abused with silence will return, jaded hats in hand, for a second evening in a row. But the question needs to be addressed, and the short answer is the Wii promises to be a reliable portal to compelling new media.
My attention span doesn’t easily accommodate 3-hour movie epics anymore, so you can only imagine how a 70-hour video game would fare. Oh, I tried, believe me, popped that legacy Gamecube JRPG right into the Wii, whereupon the disc spun heartily and heroic music underscored the prologue to another trite narrative. Within a minute, I was all like, “You know, I don’t think your due diligence is due anymore and, in fact, please for the love of Gondor stop the blue hair.”
For the uninitiated, JRPG stands for a game genre that usually begins in a village, which may or may not be on fire, where a young hero, who may or may not resemble a girl with green hair, begins his quest to save the world by killing hundreds of rats with a stick so he can amass enough gold pieces to purchase a bigger stick from the blacksmith. Why not just melt the gold into a 24kt gun? Because the blacksmith doesn’t forge common sense.
Now that we’re on the same page, let me suggest the Wii certainly could go hardcore, but if it does, let the current aesthetic remain a viable choice. This would be the pick-up-and-play philosophy, where fun is distilled into glorious, intuitive 15- to 20-minute chunks. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Zelda and Call of Duty 3–heck, I pretty much bought all the Wii games–and other titles like Final Fantasy XVIQXII and Gears of War continue to entice, but there’s nothing quite like swinging the Wiimote and knocking one out of the park. Well, y’know, other than doing so with a real bat.
You should know I’m considering an annual posting schedule, a calendar carefully wrought to ensure we meet on a special night every year for a surprise discussion. And it appears you’ve hit the jackpot. Surprise! I’m kidding, of course, because this would require too much blueprinting, and you may have detected that industry is a thing much wanted in our forum these days.
It’s been reported that I enjoy snatching Nintendo Wii’s out of the hopeful claws of tweens, whatever the hell those are, and at so choice a venue as a Target, no less. Erroneous! Erroneous! Erroneous on both accounts. Sure, it may have been a Target, but for the record I don’t snatch, and any children who may have been disappointed were instead in school, or maybe a coal mine, or wherever tweens are wont to be.
I believe in the stylish approach, what legend calls walking into the store during lunch break, and this precludes camping or even standing in line for more than 15 minutes to collect your electronic bounty. I mean, waiting overnight in front of a Best Buy? C’mon. We’re talking about nutbags pitching tents under a neon yellow glow, going to the bathroom probably in their pants, as they add a very suburban twist to “roughing it.” Could any chunk of plastic possibly be worth that kind of devotion?
There will come a time when I must pay my dues and endure a proper commute, the kind that exceeds the leisurely 10-minute mark, but let me clarify something here and now: you will need to drag me into such a time. South End was indeed promising, a first real push into finding a truly “hip” place, and the search will continue this weekend. I’m still fuzzy on what precisely constitutes a hip or trendy location. I don’t think there’s empirical evidence, like a cute brunette hanging off every empirical street corner or something, so much as a vibe, a buzz of excitement.
But the commute! Oh, what a commute. Length wasn’t really the problem. No, the hot button issue was driving through no less than three ghettos to reach South End from work, as if this were some kind of contest to collect them all. When Fodor’s gives less than three shits and a left about your route, it’s time to reevaluate.
Google has really cleaned up YouTube lately, but fear not–there are counselors yet to guide your way. Some of the quality is questionable, however, so be warned. I ask you to be a discerning media thief.