Saturday, October 4, 2003

With Interpreter of Maladies about a week behind me, gentle reader, I’ve been spending my reading points on Richard Russo’s Empire Falls. The former title was compelling from the very first short story, probably due in part to Lahiri’s need to balance content with an economy of words. Russo’s work is a wholly different animal–it evokes a sprawling, “rainy day through a bay window” feeling–and it took me about a hundred pages to fully appreciate it. And the cover is all shiny and stuff, something that holds infinite appeal to package whores like yours truly.

Having gotten that out of the way, I’d like to extend yet another invitation to anyone who’d like to join a very special book club. Before you even ask, this book club is special because membership clocks in at a startling four people right now. That’s a whole lot more than my minimum requirement, which is me. I’d have a whole barrel of laughs and insight just by conferring with myself, after all.

The first book up for discussion is Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code, and Amazon will give you the hardcopy version for a mere fifteen quid. Discussion will be electronic to discourage human contact. Although this club was started by others, I will happily accept membership fees in American currency sent directly to me via wire transfer or unmarked envelope.

Friday, October 3, 2003

A potentially boring Friday night became interesting when Hearst offered an insider’s tour of the Tribune building. The tour ended with a free copy of the newspaper–and I’m not going to tell you which newspaper, gentle reader, because I respect you–signed by Hearst herself, complete with the promise that I could keep all profits from selling the copy in question.

All I need now, of course, is a chance for the paper to appreciate well beyond its fifty cent origin. I see three viable options, Hearst, for you to hurry this process along: a) become famous, b) commit a grievous act of unethical journalism, or c) take the “pup” you mention regularly for a walk and have her maul someone. I think the first option would be safest, but Option C would be frickin’ hilarious. Hint hint.

Thursday, October 2, 2003

In a flash of inspiration that can only come on Thursday evenings, gentle reader, I invented a great way to remember state capitals. This slick little tip will make you seem cosmopolitan to all but the most discerning of peers.

(Example 1: New Jersey)

Capital = Jersey City

(Example 2: New Hampshire)

Capital = Hampshire City

(Example 3: Utah)

Capital = Utah City

Are you catching on yet? Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue? You bet it does, ‘cuz that was a rhetorical question. It will also work with lesser states Canadia and East Virginia, just so you know.