Friday, June 6, 2003

Why look, gentle reader! Pages 20-35 of The Big Book of Cryptic Posts.

“So a few clouds are okay, but an overcast sky is bad. Why is that?”

“I don’t know. Something to do with receptors in our skin, perhaps?”

“Explain, please.”

“I won’t. Don’t feel like it. All I can say is that I’m no goddamn ray of sunshine–“

“–Ever?”

“Today. Less so today.”

“Ah. And what about the word ‘cumulative’? What are your thoughts on that?”

“I don’t like it. It’s sad. All the little things adding up, you know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. But it might be commutative as well.”

“Commutative?”

“Yeah, the commutative property. Remember math?”

“Never one of my strong subjects.”

“Come on, reach back into your memory banks.”

“Nope, no dice.”

“You’re not trying.”

“Okay, how about this? I want to stop caring about the commutative property. I don’t even feel like talking about the associative property tonight.”

“That’s too bad. Pretty arrogant of you, huh?”

“Next question.”

“Greatest fear?”

“Anonymity. And losing my mind.”

“But you don’t want to be famous either, do you?”

“No.”

“And love? What’s that to you?”

“I don’t really remember.”

“Try me; we’ve got all the time in the world.”

“Truth be told, I’m not so sure anymore. Lists are frowned upon, you know?”

“Fine. Freethink, for all I care.”

“I’m not sure how to begin.”

“Let’s get coarse. Are you a leg guy?”

“Legs certainly wouldn’t hurt.”

“That’s not what I meant, moron. So you’re, ah, a bit more invested in the torso region, eh?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Look, I’m more of an eye person.”

“Oh, please. That’s so played.”

“Well, let me explain. She can’t have that glazed look in her eyes. She’s got to be sharp. Because looks? They won’t last too long.”

“Oh, you’re talking long-term now. That’s a doozy. Well, couldn’t you just enjoy her looks while she has them?”

“Okay, you got me. She’s got to be not-ugly.”

“Wow, that’s specific.”

“I mean, cute is fine, but I want smarts. She’s got to think, got to write, got to know what’s proper and when to be the exact opposite.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere…”

“She’s got to be warm-hearted, severe when she has to be, and–“

“–Sensitive?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice as well.”

“Bottom-line this for me.”

“I need to find a puzzle.”

“Good luck.”

“Good night.”