Friday, September 5, 2003

What began as a grand departure from cold cereal by way of cooked–that’s right, gentle reader, cooked–food turned into a cleaning frenzy yesterday evening. Lt. NeatFreak tramped into the studio, declared that no lasagna would be made, and cheekily commanded me, your beloved CEO, to make my place semi-presentable. To think that a Fortune 01 media mogul would take any guff about bare minimum habitability and the like–the nerve!

I promptly caved in and started scrubbing the counters and throwing out lots of metaphorical shit, and two-and-a-half hours later, the skyscraper was sparkly as sin. Did you know that I can strip paint with my bare fingernails? Indeed, ’tis another item to add to my skill set. And did you also know that Lysol wipes have the added benefit of giving you buzzes? Suffice to say that the results of the Cleanstravaganza were enough to make any Merry Maid cry, clean up her tears, and then cry again in the face of imminent obsolescence. Thanks, Lt. NeatFreak!