Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Some of you may have only heard of color blindness, but I’d like to paint a very real and practical picture of what this infirmity can do.

I’m sitting in from of my computer, gentle reader, and I’m totally in Dork Mode. My eyes are only a few inches away from the computer screen, and I’m clicking away as my mouse pointer whizzes around the Tactical Map. Fleet Command talks to me in a soothing voice, guiding me through the basics of commanding a dozen scout fighters.

Simple enough, right? I should have no problem guiding the Taiidan through about, oh, a billion or so lightyears to their home planet “Hiigara.” How very wrong I was.

So Fleet Command–the preserved consciousness of martyred scientist Karen S’Jet, because you really, really wanted to know that–explains the map to me.

“Green is for friendly ships. Red is for enemy ships. Brown is for asteroids,” she says calmly.

“Oh,” I think to myself, looking over the map. “Oh, shit.”

Upon first glance, it appears as if the WHOLE FRICKIN’ MAP is covered with bad guys, so I’m sending my poor scouts flying hither and thither.

“On my way,” they say dutifully. “Right away, sir.”

Then I realize that all those red dots are actually brown.

I’m relieved for three-something seconds when I suddenly remember my original goal. I need to nuke those evil Kushan, but damned if they aren’t employing some clever cloaking technology–the “small speck of red looks like dark brown and vice versa” technology, incidentally.

After flying through half a dozen patches of asteroids, my boys finally find their prey. Hail to the king, baby!