Monday, April 3, 2006

Thursday’s discussion continues more than 85 hours later!

The Take It on the Chinternet
Perhaps the most vile of Internets, this one suspiciously resembles Turbotax.com or Hrblock.com.

1. You futz around with your login until verily upon the correct password you doth stumble.

2. A question of critical importance is answered in a single click: would you like to pay $29.95, $49.95, $89.95, or $119.95 for the same goddamn thing?

3. You spell your name incorrectly. This isn’t going to be easy.

4. Are you wanting to edit your info, comrade? Is magically simple.

5. You click Da. Oh, shits! Did you surf to hrbloc.cz.ru again?

6. Hrblock.com. Finally. Refund due = $0.00.

7. “Alright, clean slate” you whisper. “Let’s do this thing. First, that W-2.”

8. Tax due = $1248.31.

9. “No problem, no problem,” you rub your hands with purpose. “Haven’t done my deductions and credits yet. Those will help a lot. Might even get a fat check from the government.”

10. Did you buy an airplane in 2005? “Nope.”

11. Did you maybe die in 2005? “Nope.”

12. Did you buy a car in 2005? “Ho ho!”

13. You can only qualify for the car deduction if you took a piss at a dealership urinal while facing a southwesterly direction and humming your favorite The Cure song. “Ho ho h–“

14. Tax due = $1248.31.

Best wishes to you as you prepare to be taxed. Get ready to be taxed right through the pants.