Friday, March 14, 2003

I speak to you on this fine spring afternoon, gentle reader, as a champion and proponent of deliberative democracy. I speak to you, gentle reader, as a driving force behind meaningful civic discourse. And I speak to you, gentle reader, as one of the parties responsible for revitalizing suitemate Carl Gustafson’s blog.

Although I’ve encouraged weblog participation, although I’ve given Carl his voice back, he chose to slander me. So I must defend both myself and you, dear reader, from accusations most vile.

I want you to look at the profound portrait gracing his webpage. Notice the boldness, the stark definition, the articulation, the charming simplicity permeating the picture. ‘Tis worthy of meditation, no? Well, enough about the Triscuit box; now I want you to focus on Carl. What you witness, gentle reader, is a digital embodiment of pure unreasonableness. I would tell you to ignore him, to allow him to continue to philosophize with I-don’t-know-what-the-Hell-he-impaled-on-those-pencils, had he not MALIGNED our beloved company.

But e-slandered us he has, and reply we shall.

I want you to unwind the yarn attaching your mittens to your jacket, CEO Gustafson, and use that to re-measure the dimensions of your bus. You might call that a “bus,” but most people would call that an “extra-special care institution.” Those TV’s? Hospital monitors, unfortunately. Those recliners? Notice the leather straps on them, bucko. That “cruising” sensation? All in your head. And oven-mitts? Allow me to chortle softly.

May you never miss another stop on the short bus, goodly CEO. Begone! Back to your lemon cookies and Kool-Aid you go.

Oh, and you’ve yet another site for your stalking pleasure, gentle reader.