Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Back in freshman year, Tim, Janet, and I invented the Olfactory Game while riding the El. Indeed, what can one do but manufacture diversions while standing in a hotbed of weary commuters and spunky panhandlers? Social inequality went out the window for an afternoon, gentle reader, and everyone–Hispanic, Asian, Black, Caucasian, rich, and poor–became a contestant in this game.

The rules of the game are as follows:

1. Everyone, you included, starts out at zero.

2. Give yourself a hearty whiff. If you smell, subtract one from your total. If you don’t smell, then hooray for you! You’re hygienic.

3. Now we arrive at the heart of the game. Sniff your neighbors and subtract points when needed. Contestants sporting cologne or, God forbid, deodorant will only add to your point total.

When does this game end? Are fellow El-ers even aware that they’re participating in the game? I’m not entirely sure, dear reader, but I will flesh out the rules for you tonight. Let’s assign the initial self-whiff plus/minus three points. Your fellow citizens will either add or subtract one point from your point total. Here’s the innovative part: If you bring along a canister of air freshener and help smellfenders out, then you can add FIVE WHOLE POINTS for each person you tag. The first person to reach or exceed fifty points WINS. A message to people who accuse public transportation of being boring: Take that, people who accuse public transportation of being boring!