Friday, October 3, 2003

A potentially boring Friday night became interesting when Hearst offered an insider’s tour of the Tribune building. The tour ended with a free copy of the newspaper–and I’m not going to tell you which newspaper, gentle reader, because I respect you–signed by Hearst herself, complete with the promise that I could keep all profits from selling the copy in question.

All I need now, of course, is a chance for the paper to appreciate well beyond its fifty cent origin. I see three viable options, Hearst, for you to hurry this process along: a) become famous, b) commit a grievous act of unethical journalism, or c) take the “pup” you mention regularly for a walk and have her maul someone. I think the first option would be safest, but Option C would be frickin’ hilarious. Hint hint.