Friday, March 25, 2005

Remember when gas went for $0.75 per gallon and how your parents, upon discovering a price hike into the verboten boundaries of $0.80, would tsk and shake their heads and offer dire warnings of ravenous locusts? Yeah, neither do I, probably because all my memories freeze whenever I bask in Indian winters, desperately trying to decide whether to splurge and get three gallons instead of two.

The Gas Game, and I imagine some of you play it, is a test of reflexes. Can you stop your fingers quickly enough to purchase an even dollar amount of fuel? Time was, you’d win the game and purchase $15.00 worth of fuel, yet you’d lose because the stuff would overflow from your tank and soil your pants. These days? You encourage the schmo at pump 12 to play the Gas Game, preferably to $30.00, and then you reward him by washing his car and–oops!–siphoning $25.00 worth of gas from his ride.

In my mind, gas is similar to bananas and Microsoft Office because we should get it for next to nothing. And then I snap to my senses and realize, yes, petroleum isn’t exactly the kind of substance you grow. It’s not like a Chia Pet, you know? You can’t smear a secret mixture onto a surface and will stuff to appear. In fact, it’s like a Chia Pet that consumes money and raw flesh. The solution, clearly, is to discover alternative fuels.

My car? It runs on mirth and goodwill.