Monday, January 23, 2006

These are the secrets I’ve uncovered in the dark places of recruitment, curiosities forged in the cold depths of interviewing career hopefuls and delivered, by way of silver platter, to you at no cost. You may wonder how I could add to the corpus formed by Careerbuilder.com and its associates, because how could anybody improve upon such gems as “spell your name correctly” and “wear pants to the interview”?

Rough Day at the Olfactory
See those mints? Yeah, the ones in the wrappers in a bowl on the table? They are for taking, and maybe a little tasting, if you catch my whiff.

What’s that, you don’t? That’s fine, I’m an equal employment opportunity employer, which means I equally employ people who own toothbrushes and those who plan on owning toothbrushes.

:oD “Ah, so your profit matrices initiative increased the hells yes too much Drakkar Noir.”

:o( “Ah, so your profit matrices initiative increased the oh shits almighty did you lick a stoat.”

Turnaround
Remember “Kick Me” signs? Obviously not. Watch your back.

:oD Hello, my name is John.

:o( Hello, my name is John. Hello, my name is Todd.

No Sweats
See title. You’re at a career expo, not a seasonal clearance on activewear at Walmart.

:oD Wear some goddamn business attire.

:o( Wear some goddamn business attire.

You probably think I’m kidding. I’m not kidding.