Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Remember when I bemoaned the downfall of feature movies, the insufferable tendency of run times to languish up to two hours or more? The cure, if memory serves, was the DWeeD, an innovative format wherein films would be distilled into key points. I mean, really, who has the time or attention span to watch Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade and, say, something like Schindler’s List in a single month?

The DWeeD version, aptly titled Schindiana Jones, would seek out commonalities between the two flicks and give you the straight deal, all in a tightly packaged 45 minutes. The similarities are there, if only you’d look. Cars. Nazis. John Williams. Three in a row–theme. You could allot another few minutes for a clip of Leonard Maltin weeping in slow motion. Them’s the digs, no question about it. Sure, there was a time when we took our entertainment by spending hour after hour watching gladiatorial combat, but these days? One of the contestants better roll out of the gate pre-decapitated so we can vote already.

You know what, though? The DWeeD exists. It’s called TV shows on DVD, 40-minute bursts of media without interruptions and, assuming you’ve got the right show, chockity full of sharp writing and compelling characterization. Truth: ABC could schedule the emergency broadcast test for an hour and I’d praise it for ingenius pacing, such is the network’s recent track record.

Because Grey’s Anatomy, for whatever reason, makes me want to be a surgeon, if only for the duration of each episode. Maybe I’m detoxing after a run of anime, but I remember being thankful for the dialogue. It was like, “Hey! Someone’s lips just moved and I didn’t find myself nursing my temples.” I appreciate how they structure each episode. Most importantly, I like the liberal approach to the body count. Let’s say a patient can either a) miraculously live to bring you that warm, fuzzy feeling or b) die to further the narrative. You guessed it. Flatline.