Friday, December 28, 2007

What came from the song, to conclude yesterday’s discussion, carried far more weight than the notes themselves, and it was my favorite type of realization: a meta-level understanding that’s applicable to multiple situations. It’s an odd way to end the year, at a time when streamers and party hats and celebratory drink would be more appropriate, but I’ve always had trouble expressing confetti in words. If you figure out how to do this well, give me a ring and we’ll workshop this shit.

It’s this idea of creation–creating a painting, a research paper, music, blog post–that for the longest time was elusive and a little unsettling. I mean, how do you fill a blank canvas? Why do you choose what you choose, whenever you reach into the swirling ether of ideas and possibilities, with the deadline a week away? Why pick one thesis over another? What drives you to start and finish a book or sculpt something?

There are external influences, to be sure, and maybe part of why you’re painting or writing or singing is because it pays the bills. Or maybe you crave the audience. Perhaps there’s a due date. The other answer, arguably the most sustainable answer, is the same reply I would’ve given if I were four: it’s because I want to do it. I sure hope this isn’t the only thing to come from $150k sunk into the ivory tower and five years on the workforce, but thems the straits. You take what’s compelling to you, and you try to shepherd it home. This is why we’re here tonight. See you next year.