Thursday, October 9, 2008

The last time I called my retirement savings a Poor01(k), years ago when I was still green to the workforce, it was more a reference to how little I was contributing to my future. These days, I’m fully committed to it, faithfully allotting chunks of my paycheck to financial wizards who are toiling daily to maximize my return. I picture a gaggle of fund managers at Fidelity gathered around an oak table in a mahogany-lined room, poring over every line item I chose, engaged in spirited debate on how best to ensure the health of my portfolio.

It’s a Poor01(k) in the truest sense now, with an annual ROI of -30% and sinking, and obviously I’ve traded the mahogany idealism for something a little more realistic: floors of fluorescent-hued cubicle farms packed with wretched people who probably know little more about the current market than I do, yet are tasked with hitting the “oh holy shit” button on their keyboards rapidly. To a certain extent it’s not their fault, but the fact remains that what I once regarded as a portfolio now resembles a Trapper Keeper in the mud, floating facedown with covers splayed open, loose pages every which where.

Conventional wisdom recommends you put, bare minimum, the amount your company will match into your 401(k). It also says that age can weather market fluctuations. History will dictate whether this advice is correct. When you’re in the thick of it, though, it feels like you’re setting your money ablaze, and the employer matching program is no more helpful than the dude walking by who pours gasoline into the bonfire.