Thursday, March 19, 2009

Today is a red-letter day, the letter in question being a crimson “E” for “exercise,” because I spent a whole hour or so outdoors. Under the sun! Engaged in physical activity far beyond the scope of typing. Instead, I stood in place and swung my arms, much as cavemen likely did back in the day, at a driving range in preparation for tomorrow, the first tee-off of the year. The goal I set two nights ago could be attainable, I’m not exactly sure, but in between flashes of despair today I realized the push for a certain score might not be a sustainable reason to continue playing.

It’s back to skill acquisition for me, specifically obtaining the one thing that’s farthest from my mind on the green: equanimity. The word itself is relaxing. Like “grit,” “texture,” and “sanctuary,” it’s one of those nouns that sounds like what it defines. Calmness. Quiet in the storm. I’m usually focused during a swing, though the focus is informed by any number of nerve-racking things. Is every part of my body positioned correctly? How on earth did the group behind us catch up? Why am I so enraged?

The last time I played a round was two-and-a-half months ago, after which my blood pressure most certainly increased. Clubs, balls, tees, shoes–along with the mud encrusted on them–went straight into the closet. Now that I’ve had some time to breathe, however, I’m hoping this new slant will make a difference. Equanimity. Seems like it’d be useful on and off the course. I need it. Didn’t have much of it at the range today, when I found myself thinking, “You fucking ball.” So, I guess the opposite of that.