Thursday, April 2, 2009

Nuclear family, like all things radioactive, has a half-life of about three days, after which relations decay and tensions mount. It’s just the way things are–I don’t believe I’m alone in this–and accordingly I’ve crafted a coping mechanism, an elegant contraption that simultaneously allows me to fulfill familial obligations while gorging myself silly on video games. The three dots to be connected, if I may: a continued refusal to place a television in my house. The desire to game. The belief that people are content with the idea and proximity of family, far more so than the actual act of hanging out.

I’m committed to not owning a TV for the time being. The device is simply too mesmerizing, and were I to install one in the TV-shaped crevice above the fireplace, it’d be over. Even commercials cause my eyes to glaze over in a pleasant haze. At the same time, however, I enjoy gaming. I also understand the theory of family. What I’ve done, then, is plan face time with loved ones around marquee releases. It may sound ridiculous and selfish, but it works. I’ll park my car, dispense a hug or two, and then locate the nearest TV and beam myself off to some distant land to kill aliens. I’m both there and not there, yet my physical attendance seems enough, and what is technically four days feels more like two and comfortably misses the three-day danger zone.

This is why we were dark on Thursday and Tuesday. I was “visiting family,” while at the same time embarking on a digital hajj. Gaming is my binge, I realized. It’s my version of getting shitfaced. I marveled at the zen-like appeal of Bit.Trip Beat. Exulted in the harder settings of Rock Band, wondering why it took me so long to wrap my mind around that fifth fret on the guitar. Really we’re only talking two positions, compared to a possible 15 on a real-world violin. Then again, my violin doesn’t generate star power and a hojillion points when I tilt it at a certain angle. And finally, there was Resident Evil 5, the crown jewel. I finished it. Twice. The prior entry in the series featured Hispanic zombies, which caused nary a hubbub, but this one raised all sorts of hell when it initially showed only black zombies, so they ultimately decided on a mix of both races. Let me put you at ease: I enjoyed shooting Hispanic and black zombies equally. I can only hope the next episode has shambling Koreans and possibly a Welshman or two.