Thursday, July 16, 2009

Tonight, just a few hours ago, I sat dazed in my cubicle, eyes rapidly glazing over, with two instances of PowerPoint splayed across my desktop. My day job had long ended and now, in the corporate witching hour, the cogs of industry began to turn once more for responsibilities outside the office. Before me was a deck I should’ve banged out last month, but here I was, caught in my own horrific version of happy hour, wondering whether I had bitten off more than I could chew. Normally I spend my time in Excel, province of endless numbers and trippy formulae, so I was ill-equipped to take advantage of more creative software. I was at a loss. I may as well have been trying to write a poem in Sanskrit, understand.

Specifically there was a fancy slide before me, lined with graphical flourishes forged by who knows what unchristian means, and I wanted to use it. Only problem was the original artist had embedded a logo entirely useless to me in one of the corner swirls. But I continued, undeterred in my quest to “borrow” this slick-shit border, by popping open MS Paint, dropping the correct logo on top of the existing one, zooming 8x, and painstakingly freehanding around it, pixel by pixel, like a master forger.

Ten minutes into the process, I started feeling energized. Resourceful. Also, hungry. Emboldened by the progress in this brave new world of presentation production, I started pacing around the office, fully believing my run of luck would feed me as well. And in a way it did, for lo! There in the breakroom sat a multigrain bagel, complete with a depleted tub of lukewarm cream cheese. I don’t think it belonged to anybody. Having secured an entree, I proceeded to rustle some peanuts, along with a stray can of root beer, and then dinner, finally, was served.

Whereas I had been a pauper but a few minutes ago, poor in spirit and light on snacks, now I dined as kings are wont to do. Then, having sufficiently malnourished myself, I returned to my dark work. The final product was spectacular, virtually indistinguishable from the original, and upon getting a second wind I dove into the deck itself to add some actual text to those fancy borders. One slide, then another, followed by yet a few more, and I was done, my magnum opus completed. Thanks, liberal arts education. You taught me so much.