Thursday, April 22, 2010

For as much as I enjoy reading Urban Dictionary and marveling over the latest creations of the English language, there are some words I fervently wish would disappear. Obviously the only vocabulary I can control is my own, and accordingly I’ll perform a verbal audit from time to time. “Audit” may be a little too strong, so let us define it as a heightened awareness of what is said.

The goal of these audits? The ability to speak plainly, yet persuasively. I’ve been paying close attention to good talkers recently: in person, on televised interviews, podcasts, really wherever the opportunity presents itself. I can’t say precisely what goes into the secret sauce. All I know is it’s pleasing to the ear. It’s compelling to listen. It inspires, honestly.

I heard “synergies” used earnestly in a meeting today, and I’m fairly certain the only synergization that occurred right then was between bile and breakfast in, like, my mouth. Vomit, in other words. Perhaps it’s because today is Earth Day, but “synergy” evokes images of an alternative energy source, specifically a kind of dark matter someone like Lex Luthor would harness to melt alternative energy advocates.

That’s why the first sweep of my verbal audit always targets corporate jargon. I spend most of my time in an office environment, after all, and this is where I’m most likely to pick up unnecessary lingo. “Ideate” is my current pet peeve. I will never utter this verb. There’s got to be a leaner way to express this, you know? What’s wrong with “think,” “discuss,” or even “deliberate”? I still despise the word “learnings,” too, as does my word processor, judging by the squiggly red line it just dispensed.

The second sweep is for verbal tics, which can range anywhere from monosyllabic standbys–we’re talking “ums” and “uhs”–to polysyllabic wonders such as “essentially.” The third and final sweep focuses on odd words I’ve been employing at greater frequency. For me, it’s been “insofar” and “shithouse.” The former will likely be retired, but the latter–acquired from a different business meeting, incidentally–may be here to stay. It is a noun that positively reeks of potential and rich imagery.

Having said all this, I realize I may be overthinking matters here. I recall a seminar in college where students (English majors, mostly) and professor alike eagerly tore into a close textual analysis of Fight Club. Perhaps there truly were deep insights in the script. Or maybe David Fincher just wanted to make a movie about a bunch of dudes beating the shit out of each other.