Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Unless you’re grossly unobservant, you may have noticed how things are slightly different around here, with ch-ch-changes occurring from corner to corner. We’ve moved. I originally didn’t want to move, not to this degree at least, and I waited until the very last minute to fire up Blogger’s Migration Tool. You might say the results were mixed: migration was an utter failure, on one hand, but on the other hand the douchebag of a process was a “tool” in the truest sense.

Turns out sticking with Blogger would’ve been a headache. Between learning about missing files hosts and futzing around with CNAMEs and other heinous elements, it certainly felt like the digital equivalent of removing charred pieces of clothing from a burn victim. The final kick in the teeth was that goddamn Blogger bar slapped on top of every one of their sites. Sure, there’s a way to remove it by mucking around the HTML, but just the idea that it was mandatory was distasteful. And then I thought about future posts disappearing into a black box at Google somewhere, and that was that. I faced the monolithic blogging platform, as Moses might’ve done, and declared, “Let my blog posts go.”

Here we are. The promised land. I won’t lie to you. There were vulgar oaths sworn when I first logged into the WordPress interface, whereupon I realized I would have to edit frickin’ lines of PHP to get anything done. PHP! I got an “F” in Intro to Computer Science, if memory serves, so I couldn’t begin to tell you what precisely PHP is, except that it is a language bereft of vowels. When I finally figured it out–which, let’s be honest here, meant copying and pasting other people’s code and yoking their industry to my own dark purpose–the very first thing I did was disable the commenting system, thereby disenfranchising you. Now, as always, I absolutely do not want to know you visit this site.

There is much work to do. You’ll notice links to older posts still go to the legacy site. The sidebar is, shall we say, minimalist, duly lacking the explosion of icons I had on offer previously. Oh! And the site is kind of ugly. On the plus side, it’s simple enough to drop in modern amenities such as a search box. I mean, this is the kind of shit they rolled out of Area 51 back in, like, ’97. Who could possibly fathom what technological marvels await you in the coming weeks? Lend me your patience, and in return I shall give you text, paragraph upon paragraph, presented in a way that offends your eyes the least.