Tuesday, April 23, 2013

One-one-eight-two-point-five-one. Just under $1,200, spread across four auction listings, the heftiest of which closed at $711 in the last 10 seconds of bidding. That was my take from Sunday night, after peddling garbage to discriminating fans of garbage on eBay, but make no mistake. It wasn’t an easy $1,182.51, nor did it even amount to $1,182.51, after fees and shipping, but it’s a few hundred bucks I didn’t have, reclaimed space I’ve long needed, and it’s a road I must tread now.

There was the initial euphoria of discovering found money, to be sure. But then the grim truth dawned on me: this is going to be a part-time job. Posting auctions is time-consuming, but straightforward enough. It’s the customer service that’s maddening. Questions, so many questions. Part of the challenge stems from the merchandise being peddled, and the strange population of bidders they seem to attract. It’s, like, no, sir, I don’t know if Optimus comes with all his parts, nor do I frankly care! That’s what an “as-is” auction is, is it not? I merely need to know I’m selling a Transformer, not actually sit down and see if he still transforms.

The hope of a better day comes from slinging a speaker set, for instance, or a DVD. Plug that shit in and it lights up–check. Crack open the DVD case and see a disc there, free of scratches–done and done. But even then, there will be the issues I cannot escape, such as chasing down payment and the fees. Oh, god, the fees. eBay takes a 10% cut. Paypal takes a 2.9% cut. Printing a shipping label? Time to lube up and pay with Paypal dollars. This eBay-Paypal union conjured images of a coal mining company, complete with scrip to be used at the company store. My standing policy has been to fish my money out of this shithouse as soon as humanly possible, and it’s served me well so far.

But that’s the cost of doing business, I suppose, the admission fee for accessing these garbage connoisseurs. I’ve managed to scavenge some items that should streamline my time and costs–a few large boxes, packing materials, a stack of UPS forms, even a camera. I’m going to take a break after this first round to hone my auction copy and figure out how to operate a digital camera. Then, it’s back into the fray. Trash by the pound! Get your like-new trash right here, shipped free.