Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Secondhand Rants will return on Thursday, September 10.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

What was fascinating about Bible study for my kind, I discovered at my first meeting, was the sheer breadth of cultural familiarities on offer, a wide stock of Asian reference points designed to put me at ease. There were Filipinos, as promised, but more than that the shared vocabulary and even the iconography felt tailored, glove-like. It wasn’t just “Jesus Christ,” for instance–it was “Jesus Christ-san,” and His painted depictions weren’t of the usual white dude with brown hair and facial growth. Think Y.E. Yang, instead, with flowing black tresses. It’s also highly likely I’m just fuckin’ with you, of course, because I slept clean through Sunday morning, and we should turn to the real topic at hand.

The most significant thing I did this weekend was go outside, under full cover of what is normally referred to as “sunshine,” for a four-mile walk. There was fresh air as well, upon which I somehow did not asphyxiate. I’ve been trying to live healthier–eat less, move more, sleep better–and although the fries I consumed during lunch today did little to further this great undertaking, the general trend has been promising. The cooler weather has a lot to do with it, I believe, because it’s just that much easier to go outdoors when it’s not, like, a hundred-fifty degrees.

The four miles I tread did not occur on a hamster wheel, as you may have suspected, but rather unfolded on the local greenway, which is basically a wooden path that cuts through nature. It was fascinating to follow the walkway as it wended under and alongside streets I frequently drive, transforming them into wholly unfamiliar avenues, quiet all around, the raw smell of plants and earth catering to the senses. When my constitutional was over, I walked out of a nearby Trader Joe’s with a bag full of organic foods, tired but rejuvenated, a momentary paragon of healthy living. And having said all this, what I would’ve much rather done was rub a double bacon cheeseburger all over my face.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Even if you park your car like so, divine the perfect seat just out of the pastor’s eyeline, and wear your Sunday best, the road through church can still wend its way to Awkwardville, province of strained and ungainly social interactions. That’s exactly where I found myself last weekend.

Service had concluded, bookending a solid message on diversity, and I was hurtling down a hallway at optimal escape velocity, when out of the corner of my eye I spied a fellow rapidly step out from behind his informational table.

“Hi there!” he exclaimed, all friendly-like. “Is this your first time here?”

The alarms had started blaring already, and I prepared for the worst. Second time, I told him.

“Well, there’s actually an international Bible study starting right now,” he said, gesturing down the hall, “and you can probably make it if you hurry.”

I played it dumb.

“International? How do you mean? Like–”

“Oh, there are Filipinos!” he explained, “And– And all different kinds.”

Certainly I understood his intentions were noble and came from a good place, and I happen to search for people from the Philippines anyway on Sunday mornings, but I had to put the kibosh on this.

“Do you…” I trailed off, grasping for the right way to express this. “Do you have anything more, uh, mainstream?”

Meaning, in Secondhand parlance, a circle of white folks studying the Word of God. Then things got weird, so I mumbled something about needing to go to Petsmart. Or something?

Look, it’s likely I made it onto this guy’s prayer list. But at the time I mainly had the book of Exodus–to my car, specifically–on my mind, and even if I had gone to the international Bible study, well, you can imagine how well I’d function. I initially felt guilty about my reaction, since it seemed at odds with the sermon that had been delivered minutes earlier. Really, though, how diverse is it to congregate with people who look like you? I just don’t feel the draw to cluster. But to be one in a hundred? I can work with those proportions.