Tuesday, March 8, 2005

Usually what seems like breaking news to me happened months ago for other people, gentle reader, though I believe I have a useful tidbit for you tonight. If you live in the Midwest, you should know your time has come.

Credit reports, were you to ask me about them last year, are trifles entertained by only your leasing agent and the local bank. I could never justify paying actual money to view my report, since I figured I could easily peer over the shoulder of my personal banker and discover, to my timely relief, no red marks on my record.

Apparently it’s much more important. I wouldn’t recommend requesting your report too many times, as they log each inquiry, but the occasional peek seems wise. And hey! You get a free one each year. A word of warning: the verification questions threw me for a loop. Example:

When you murdered your neighbor’s prize hog in January 2005, what weapon did you use?
A. Bare hands
B. Corn
C. Hoe
D. Ho’
E. Gumption
F. None of the above

How did you dispose of the carcass?
A. Magic
B. George Foreman Grill
C. Furtively
D. Ho’
E. Tossed it on my cat
F. None of the above

Now, even though these aren’t the exact questions I answered, the phrasing is very, very close. If a lawyer unleashed these in court, she would be shot down for leading the witness. Just remember to answer honestly. That’s all I can tell you.