Wednesday, October 5, 2005

Oh, mang. That sound you heard? It was as if a million nerds cried out–and then scurried back to their favorite online forums to debate in true Internet fashion. Peter Jackson looks different these days. Previously he boasted an eccentric yet huggable quality, like a bespectacled teddy bear who could capably direct movies and cuddle your children at the same time. Judging from interview footage I saw recently, he looks and dresses like a proper auteur now, and if he came anywhere near your children you’d have him properly arrested.

So, H5N1. A decade ago, could you have attached implications so dire and remedies so urgently needed to this jumble of consonants and numbers? Whenever I hear about epidemics, particularly those involving the flu, my mind procures a woefully inadequate picture from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Women in which many people die. But the numbers you hear today–50 million, 150 million, even a billion–are the type that wouldn’t fit so neatly into an episode. A billion. That’s a tsunami with hydrogen bombs attached to it.

They’re having a luncheon or a meeting or something at the White House, I don’t know the specifics, and really I’m not one to judge. My own deliberations take the form of deciding what meats are still safe to eat. Quarter Pounder? It’ll liquefy your brain. 9-Piece? You should just ask for a coffin in your Happy Meal. Thank goodness the Fulminating Fish Plague isn’t due for at least another year.