Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I have half a mind to comp you for yesterday evening, perhaps with a shocking weekend edition whose presence could sunder the very time-space continuum, though such a bounty presupposes Blogger.com will work when summoned. Don’t get me wrong, last Thursday and Friday were products of delicious sloth, but yesterday? Not guilty.

Whenever the leasing office feels those familiar stirrings and sends me a rent increase notice, the inclination is to negotiate. You know the drill. Haggle. Lowball. Highball. Freeball. Find the golden midpoint. My favorite tactic, however, is rooted in overwhelming goodwill. The progression goes thusly, and invariably a $100 monthly increase magically shrinks to $20.

– A rent increase, land sakes alive.
– If I stay, I will be put in the poorhouse.
– I really love your service, however.
– Can you drive me all over town and show me better priced apartments?

This time, it’s not going to work because I’m leaving. To the south, urban living. To the north, a rich expanse of uppity suburbia. To the west, Skokie. Here, a median age of 96. A liberal education theoretically equips me to make sound decisions. I’ll show them.