Thursday, April 1, 2010

Up until recently, my preferred style of socializing has been precisely the absence thereof, and assuming we haven’t just met–or unmet, as the case may be–I don’t fancy this a secret. Disengagement has been the very centerpiece of my modus operandi for years now, and I’d like to think it’s served me well. But matters have changed in the last few months. We’re not talking about a complete turnaround here, to be clear, and I certainly don’t want to suggest a half- or even quarter-turnaround.

The gradual, sometimes imperceptible differences I have noticed, though, can feel like a Renaissance in themselves. For one thing, my thoughts don’t immediately turn to escape whenever I’m invited to do something now. I’m not sure why my prior tendency was to decline such gestures automatically, really. Part of the reason may be my inclination to overthink a situation, where I attempt to consider all the details and agonize over the most likely outcomes, much to the detriment of actually doing anything. Being agreeable simply isn’t compatible with this mindset.

Being agreeable, however, is exactly what I’ve been trying to achieve. I’m replacing my nos with yeses. You could say I’m choosing to be more impulsive, the very idea of which may make me seem hopeless, but be assured this is a shift in the right direction. My hours honestly feel fuller because of this, less a blur of digital haze. Now, by no means will I ever become the consummate socialite, flitting from one hotspot to the other with an endless fount of energy. Never, understand. It’s just not me. But to be a normal person? I could look into that.