Thursday, August 2, 2012

My recollection of frozen yogurt, back when TCBY was a fresh conceit, was how it sought to be a facsimile of ice cream from taste to ritual. I remember stepping through the doors, poring over the flavor labels and menu board, and waiting in rapt anticipation as the stuff was hand-scooped into a cup. That’s why I was dismayed to find how yogurt joints have transformed into entirely self-service affairs. From TCBY to Moonberries to Pinkberry to Yoforia to YoFruitty, the story is always the same. Grab a cup. Yank the handle. Ladle on the toppings. Weigh and pay.

Gone is a large part of the nostalgia, and in its place is work, coupled with store names that frankly make me want to punch myself in the chest in exhortation to man up. After dispensing as such and realizing these brands cannot be changed, however, I’ve taken to fixing what I can. I’m going to start with a few slightly inappropriately named mixtures.

The Ward – pistachio yogurt with diced walnuts and Snickers chunks

Neverland Ranch – chocolate yogurt topped with white chocolate chips and coconut shavings

Grorious Eater – red velvet yogurt with Rice Krispies and mochi

The Cran Rally – vanilla yogurt topped with white chocolate chips and dried cranberries

Chilly Graham Crusade – vanilla yogurt with graham cracker crust and peanut butter syrup

I think the lesson here is any place can be a dark place, and by sheer dint of will, you too can turn a TCBY into a Taco Bell.