Tuesday, August 7, 2012

One morning last week, as I groggily sought to deactivate my alarm clock, I was struck with an unsettling thought: what if this were all a Skinner box? You know the device. Rat in a small chamber with two levers. Press one handle, get a treat. Press the other, get zapped by electricity. In my case, though, I only had the one lever, and I seemed to be pushing it day after day, compelled by reasons unknown.

I wasn’t the only one having such thoughts, apparently, because this exact topic came up during conversation the same week. You ever notice how people collectively ponder an idea in a given period of time? It was one of those moments, captured in a three-word question–“Is this it?” Since I had effectively asked myself this question already, I was able to hold forth immediately. First of all, there are baser reasons for why we hit that alarm button, namely our love of food and shelter.

But there are nobler reasons as well, beyond the basic need to survive. Those of us who work in a more creative field can, well, create. Even if you don’t work in such a capacity, there are still problems to solve, new skills to learn, different people to meet. That’s the optimistic view, anyhow. These past few weeks have been just a streak of overcast mornings and freak lightning storms in the afternoon, stark reminders that our environment is proper fucked, none of which helps my mood. Crappy weather aside, the question still stands, and I’d like to think there’s more to the grind. I want to believe it. I have to believe it.