Tuesday, June 3, 2014

If I was an online dating greenhorn last week, then I am now–well, if not a journeyman, then at least a better greenhorn. Were we framing this in tennis terms, this would be game three or four in a tied first set. eBay terms, fourth or fifth lot ever sold. And if I were to regard this as a health regimen, I’d be at seven, eight pounds lost. Progress, in other words, but still a long road ahead.

I’m now on Match and OkCupid, in addition to the erstwhile eHarmony, and almost all activity happens on the two new sites. It’s interesting, too, how the pools of people are by and large unique, which only helps. Certainly there are matches you’ll recognize, of course, and those are the ones whom I block first. That’s right–first. There is a system now. The Familiars are culled first, followed by the Shallows, which is kind of a misnomer, because I’m the one being shallow.

Then, it’s a matter of reading the profiles themselves. I’ll be completely frank: I’m looking for “Christian” in the religion field, to be sure, but there are limits. If the Holy Trinity is invoked repeatedly in the profile, it just doesn’t do it for me. One match mentioned how she often thinks about the “conception of soul,” whatever that means, and she wasn’t talking about the birth of a musical genre, I can tell you that. Above all, the text has to be interesting. Countless profiles talk about being new to the area, or loving travel, or make eyebrow-raising avowals: “I’m funny.” “I’m sarcastic.” “I’m witty.”

But in every pile, there are a few profiles that are sarcastic. They are funny–and witty and punchy and confident and breezy. These are the ones to keep and pursue. Am I limiting myself? Absolutely. I won’t settle, though–not yet, at least. I’m not searching for 7s or 8s or 9s, as I explained to the Professor this week. No, I want it all. I’m hunting for leviathan-class, and I’d be a fool to think this easy.